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We used to go to baseball games to enjoy the sport, hang out, and drink a beer or two. When it came time to eat, we’d reluctantly chow a lukewarm hotdog, and perhaps top it off with a heaping plate of those tired old nachos. Bottom line: food was an afterthought.

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But these days, we’re just as interested in the over-the-top culinary concoctions at ballparks as what we see on the field. So here’s a list of our eight favorite treats from stadiums across the country (and beyond). There’s not much here if you’re counting calories, but hey, that’s why God invented the treadmill.

Pig Candy BLT | Photo courtesy of Levy

1) Pig Candy BLT — Chicago Cubs

If you’re in Chicago rooting for the Cubbies, start with “pig candy” (which is as delicious as it sounds), then add the usual L & T, a dap of dry-rub mayo, and some balsamic onions for a little extra zazzle. Throw it all onto a brioche bun and toss some kettle chips on the side. End result: this sandwich in one hand, a cold brew in the other, and Kris Bryant circling the bases in front of you. We’re reminded of Mae West’s quote: “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.”

Funnel Cake Chicken Sandwich | Photo courtesy of Sarah Sachs/Arizona Diamondbacks

2) Funnel cake chicken sandwich — Arizona Diamondbacks

We can all agree on a few things: Puppies are great. Paul Goldschmidt could be the NL MVP this year. And funnel cake is pretty much the best thing ever. So the D’Backs are clearly on the right track with this sandwich, which alone is worth a trip to Phoenix. Just picture the aforementioned deep-fried awesomeness surrounding a crispy chicken fillet, garlic black pepper cheddar, strawberry jam, and powdered sugar. But wait—there’s more: the sandwich comes with a side of maple syrup. Because why not?

The Monument | Photo courtesy of Levy

3) The Monument – DC Nationals

It’s pretty tough to improve on 1/3 of a pound of ground chuck topped with cheddar cheese and onion rings. But here’s one way to try: add a grilled DC Half Smoke, which has a little more zazzle than your typical hot dog. Now you’ve got a winner – not unlike the Nationals themselves, who could easily make it to the World Series this year. (You heard it here first.)

4) Farmer’s market grain bowl — Philadelphia Phillies

We know not everyone is a meat eater. But as Homer Simpson told (then sang) to daughter Lisa: “You don’t win friends with salad.” However, Homer never had the Philadelphia home team’s mix of toasted red quinoa, brown rice, sweet peppers, cucumbers, radish, baby herbs—all lovingly covered in honey balsamic vinaigrette. All the better to stay fresh and not-too-stuffed while you cheer on rising star Odubel Herrera.

Pulled Pork Patty Melt | Photo courtesy of Aramark

5) Pulled pork patty melt — Kansas City Royals

Some look at this Kansas City masterpiece and see a terrifying/awesome mix of BBQ pulled pork, fried onion, cheese, cole slaw, bacon, and a jalapeño popper skewer—all smushed between two funnel cakes and doused in sugar. Others see a heart attack on a plate. But hey, if you pass away with this on your lap while Lorenzo Cain is making an acrobatic catch in center field, maybe it was all worth it.

ALSO: One more pitch—book a flight and you’ll automatically earn CheapCash, good towards hotels!

Lobster Poutine Stak | Photo courtesy of Aramark

6) Lobster poutine stak — Boston Red Sox

We’ll just be honest here: Unlike our neighbors to the north, we’re a little dubious of poutine… unless it features steaming hunks of fresh lobster meat. Then we’re all in. That’s what you’ll find on Boston‘s runaway train of cholesterol: steak fries, lobster, bisque (instead of the usual gravy), and chives. Might want to use a fork, though, so you can keep your hands free to cheer potential AL MVP Mookie Betts.

7) Crab doughnuts — Pittsburgh Pirates

We love doughnuts in whatever form you’ve got ’em. And we also love crab. So when Pittsburgh serves us a doughnut hole filled with crab meat served with chived tartar sauce and sticky apple-mustard slaw, well, we’re as happy as stud left-fielder Starling Marte when a pitcher hangs a breaking ball.

Colorado Queso Stak | Photo courtesy of Aramark

8) Colorado Queso Stak — Colorado Rockies

This astonishing Denver concoction makes us ponder life’s big questions, such as: Is there a god? And how did she come up with this decadent melange of deliciousness? These are the musings you’ll entertain when you gaze upon this heap of waffle fries topped with house-made green chile queso, pork carnitas, fresh pico de gallo, jalapeños, and sour cream. As tasty as a diving stop and perfect throw by all-world third baseman Nolan Arenado.

Churro Poutine | Photo courtesy of Aramark

9) Churro “Dessert” Poutine — Toronto Blue Jays

Now if you need dessert (and we do), this Toronto treat is the perfect capper. Churro is basically fried heaven, topped with vanilla ice cream and warm caramel sauce. Sometimes, you have to sacrifice dignity for your sweet tooth. And we’re not saying you should stuff your face with this as you watch killer third-baseman Josh Donaldson try to recapture his 2015 MVP glory, but we’re not NOT saying it, either.


Tagged: Top 10 list

Joel Reese

Joel Reese

Joel Reese

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